Sometime last year, me and some friends were
just chilling out at my place and feeling vaguely bored. That
day might have gone unnoticed and unrecorded in the annals of
history, save for one happy chance: we had borrowed a friend's
webcam. It was really bad quality, but it was the only one we'd
ever used.
Having heard of webcams being used to chat
with other people around the world, and so we logged on to an
Internet chatroom with the pure intention of broadcasting our
smiling, law-abiding faces halfway around the world. And maybe
pretending to be Scotty... "The
engines are ready to burrst... I joos can't give ye any more
powerr, Captain!" But
fate had different plans for us that night. We quickly realised
that all the attention in the chatroom was focused on the women
who might be "showing".
Everything up to this point I remember....
my friends and I still shared some degree of sanity and sobriety.
But what happened next; how incidents progressed; I have no
idea. Something in our heads went completely insane.
Somehow I hit upon the idea that the fingers
on one's hands, if positioned correctly, would combine with
the shitty graininess of the webcam to create an extremely bad
impression of a naked woman. Funny for the first five seconds,
but no one could be stupid enough to actually fall for it, could
they? They could.
Those are my index and middle fingers, held
extremely close to the webcam. As you can see, we used a black
marker for added effect. Satisfied with this effect, we now
decided to get more creative. You know, move the fingers around
a bit. The results were astounding.
At this point, people began requesting us if
they could "view", so we decided to confuse the shit
out of them. This is what they saw.
As you can see, we'd taken a few more liberties
with the marker. You're looking at my friend Corny's knuckles.
As word got around the chatroom, we were bombarded by PMs and
requests to view. This called for something special.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present my index
and middle fingers again? They're spread much wider this time,
of course. The job we did with the markers was woefully substandard,
but it didn't even matter. We started getting messages like
"you are so hot" and "stand up a
little higher".
Well, there was no way we could do that, right?
Hah. Check it out.
I think you'll recognise my index and middle
fingers. Bonafide stars in their own rights, they now demand
top billing and 25% of all profits. Above them are either my
knuckles or Corny's knuckles, strategically marked in the right
places. At this point we had about 15 people checking this shit
out.
This was when things started getting really
weird. Corny decided that the only way for this to be truly
realistic was if he were to shave his fingers... the only reason
he eventually didn't was because I refused to lend him my razor.
He really didn't need to be worried... by the time we were tired
of the whole thing, we had around 23 people viewing us simultaneously.
Damn, I realise we're hardly ones to point fingers, but seriously...
what the hell is wrong with people??
Later that night, I decided that what we had
done was create a new art form. I dubbed it ambiguous
misleading digital pornography or AMBIMISDIGIPORN.
I have since tired of that name.
I leave you with some more random images from
that night. Try and figure out what you're really looking at.
And here's Orko with the
moral!